In modern business mentorship is celebrated as the cornerstone of leadership development and professional growth. Yet beneath this widely accepted truth lies a more complex reality that few dare to discuss openly: mentoring relationships can sometimes transform from nurturing connections into subtle instruments of control, fear, and stagnation. As research starts to delve into this area, more and more reports have begun to expose how “toxic mentorship” can significantly impair both individual development and organisational health, but identifying these patterns requires us to look beyond the surface of seemingly successful relationships.
The Subtle Shift
Imagine a highly successful executive who built their career on innovative approaches to customer engagement. Their methods have become legendary within their organisation, and they take genuine pride in sharing their expertise with upcoming leaders. Yet something subtle begins to shift as they approach their career’s peak years. Well-intentioned guidance starts to feel more like a tight grip. They find themselves increasingly anxious when mentees suggest adaptations to their methods, even when these changes might better suit today’s market.
This story isn’t unique. Even the most well-intentioned mentors can slip into controlling patterns without realising it. The transformation is rarely dramatic – instead, it occurs through small moments of overprotection, subtle discouragements of independent thinking, and an increasing need to maintain control over how knowledge is used and shared.
Unconscious Fear Driven Sabotage
At the heart of toxic mentorship often lies something deeply human – fear. Sometimes approaching career transitions can trigger profound anxiety about relevance and legacy. This can drive leaders unconsciously to strive to create dependence in their mentees. On the surface, they appear to be an extremely dedicated mentor, always available for guidance. Yet beneath this helpful exterior lies a deeper fear – if my mentees become truly independent, what role will remain for me?
This fear manifests in countless subtle ways. It might show up as the mentor who needs to be involved in every decision, who becomes unsettled when mentees develop their own professional networks, or who subtly undermines their mentees’ confidence while appearing to be supportive. “I’m just trying to protect you” becomes a shield behind which control is maintained, and growth is stifled.
The Ripple Effect
The impact of toxic mentorship extends far beyond individual relationships. These patterns create what they call a “cascade of constraint” throughout organisations. When senior leaders model controlling mentorship, it becomes embedded in the organisation’s DNA. Mid-level managers begin to emulate these behaviours, creating a culture where knowledge is hoarded rather than shared, where innovation is subtly discouraged, and where dependency is mistaken for loyalty.
This fundamentally alters organisational cultures. Consider a technology firm where a brilliant but controlling senior developer mentored most of the team leads. Over time, the entire development process became rigid and risk-averse. New ideas were subtly discouraged in favour of “proven methods,” even as the market demanded innovation. The organisation’s ability to adapt was compromised, not through any single dramatic decision, but through the quiet accumulation of cautious, dependent thinking.
The Path Forward
Yet there’s hope in understanding these patterns. Successful mentors approach their role not as controllers of knowledge, but as catalysts for development. They tell the story of Alex, a senior finance director who consciously works to make herself “progressively unnecessary” to her mentees. Rather than seeing their independence as a threat, she celebrates it as the ultimate sign of her success as a mentor.
This shift requires courage and support. Organisations can create environments that support healthy mentorship development. This might mean creating spaces where senior leaders can safely explore their fears about relevance and legacy, or developing transition programmes that help mentors find new ways to create value beyond direct control of their expertise.
Breaking Free
The journey to transforming toxic mentorship patterns begins with recognition and requires courage – both to acknowledge these patterns and to choose a different way forward. Supporting senior leaders through career transitions plays a crucial role. When mentors feel secure in their own evolution, they’re more likely to support genuine growth in others.
True mentorship success shows up not in how closely mentees replicate their mentors’ approaches, but in how they build upon and transform them. It’s visible in organisations where knowledge flows freely, where innovation builds on established wisdom rather than being constrained by it, and where leadership styles are as diverse as the challenges they face.
The Choice
The most powerful aspect of addressing toxic mentorship is what is known as the “mentorship multiplication effect.” When mentorship succeeds – when it truly empowers rather than controls – it creates a self-perpetuating cycle of growth. Former mentees become mentors who understand the value of independence, creating an ever-expanding culture of genuine development.
The challenge facing every mentor isn’t whether they’ll have impact, but what kind of impact they’ll choose to have. Will they create relationships that liberate or constrain? Will they contribute to organisational growth or stagnation? The future of leadership development – and the success of our organisations – depends on our courage to choose growth over control, development over dependency, and transformation over stagnation.
